Hyperparathyroid Forum
By logging-in to this Forum, you are agreeing to the Hyperparathyroid Forum Terms and conditions of Use http://hyperparathyroid.forumotion.co.uk/f5-hyperparathyroid-forum-terms-and-conditions-of-use

Venting .....

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Venting .....

Post by Jasmine2 on Sat Nov 08, 2014 2:05 pm

I don't know where to start, I only know that I have to get this out because I feel like I'm going mad! I've been trying to contain my emotions for several months now, hence going quiet for a while on here. Although I've had spells of low mood and feeling depressed due to pHPT, I've never really been troubled by the crippling anxiety that others feel, and which I know is yet another lovely symptom of this wretched disease - until recently that is, and it has hit me like a brick wall! I'm becoming a shrew, I know that I'm making my 17 year old's life a misery with my constant moaning, whining and more recently shrieking at him but I just can't stop myself. I feel out of control at times and it's making me feel very scared and fearful. I'm finding myself more and more doing really silly things, like watching a recorded programme on TV for example and for no reason start fast forwarding it as per when the ads are on, then asking myself "what did you do that for?" It may seem like a trivial example but there's no rhyme or reason for why I do and say silly things, and this adds to the anxiety. I've never before known what real anxiety felt like, and I can only describe it as a feeling of paranoia, a sense that something bad is going to happen, feeling wound up like a coil, feeling fidgety and jittery and unsettled and it all feels very, very scary, especially as this is a fairly new symptom for me. Does anyone else get this crippling anxiety? If so, how do you cope with it? I don't feel like the same person any more - she's gone and been replaced by an old, straw haired, shrieking shrew who can't cope! Mr Jasmine once said to me "who are you and what have you done with my wife?" He was saying it in a jokey way but it's the truth...I've been taken over by an alien alter ego and I don't like it one bit!

Sorry for the rant but I needed to get it out .....

Jasmine x

PS once I'd finished writing this I was on the verge of deleting it as I felt a bit embarrassed by opening up in this way and admitting what a horrible person I seem to be becoming, but I resisted on the grounds that if someone else is feeling the same it might help them. So if it's just me and no-one else feels like this then seemingly I am becoming that horrible person and need to get help!
avatar
Jasmine2

Posts : 751
Join date : 2014-03-30
Location : Cambridgeshire UK

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Hadleigh on Sat Nov 08, 2014 2:40 pm

Jasmine sorry to have forgotten but are you hypothyroid and on Levo? the jittery, fidgety, and anxiety are typical of overmedication but of course could also be hpth.

Not much help but was my first thought, hopefully someone else will have something more useful to say Exclamation

I am naturally an old witch so no hope for me What a Face

Nelly
avatar
Hadleigh

Posts : 800
Join date : 2014-03-29
Location : Somerset, UK

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Jasmine2 on Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:09 pm

Nelly, I'm hypothyroid having had my thyroid removed due to Graves way back when, was recently on 200mcg of levo but the endo said i was being over medicated and reduced it to 175 - rationale was that although TSH was normal T4 was above range. Now you come to mention it these symptoms have only started since I reduced the levo - can they be relevant to hypoT as well? Maybe I need 200 even though it's a hefty dose? Mindful of what you said in a previous post about medics treating the patient according to symptoms rather than blood levels ........

Thanks Nelly; maybe I'm not going mad after all ......?

J x
avatar
Jasmine2

Posts : 751
Join date : 2014-03-30
Location : Cambridgeshire UK

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Brigitte0 on Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:32 pm

Hi Jasmine

I'm probably not the right person to answer because I have suffered with anxiety all my life since it's a problem connected with my other disease. However, I will say that pHPT exacerbated it to the extent that I was quite fearful that I was losing my marbles completely and I remember coming onto the forum and being comforted by the fact that I needn't expect the men in white coats quite yet Wink 

Coupled with your thyroid problems, your extremely long and drawn out "Journey", (sorry for the J word  affraid ) and the fact that you've been hanging on all through the summer waiting to find out what's next and now there's a glimmer of hope, I'd actually be surprised if your nerves weren't frazzled! You're not going mad yet, you're just fed up of the coffee in the LL Caff! The service there is not up to scratch, I've come to realise  Shocked

Take care of yourself and get through this rough patch and on towards the next stepping stone. Sending you lots and lots of healing hugs and calm ways of counting to 10 before speaking.... (and if you believe that you can do that all the time, you're less mad than me)!!!!

Love and hugs

Brigitte xxxx
avatar
Brigitte0

Posts : 455
Join date : 2014-04-24
Age : 51
Location : Southampton, Hampshire

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by mealinacup1 on Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:38 pm

Hi Jasmine

It could be due to the medication, or PTH but any one can develop anxiety, its the body's reaction to illness, long periods of stress, bereavement.

From a personal point of few i have had short anxiety attacks brought on i think by the bereavement of my dad this year, because i didn't have them before, so i don't think its PTH related and i have on thyroid issues.

Look back on what you have been through, if its not medication related, no wonder you feel like you have turned into a shrew, we all have to remember we are all human after all and constantly putting on a brave face can be hard.

Take care

Diana x

mealinacup1

Posts : 81
Join date : 2014-07-25
Location : Surrey

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Hadleigh on Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:50 pm

Jasmine hypo/hyper symptoms do cross so its always difficult to judge which is which but I would hazzard a guess that you are still overmedicated especially with jittery, fidgety, feeling out of control symptoms as they are generally hyper.

How long have you been on the lower dose ? as you know it can take 6-12 weeks for levels to settle. 200mcg is a hefty dose and it may take some time to get used to 175. I was taking 150 for years then had to reduce, took well over a year to get right but now happily taking 100 and I have no working thyroid either.

If the timing of lower dose and start of symptoms coincides then it would seem it may well be connected.

Thyroid is even more complicated than hpth Rolling Eyes

Nelly
avatar
Hadleigh

Posts : 800
Join date : 2014-03-29
Location : Somerset, UK

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Amanda Lynne on Sat Nov 08, 2014 4:01 pm

Oh Jasmine you sound like you are going through hell. I know nothing about Thyroid I'm sorry but I'm sure Nelly will give you loads of advice.
I do know pth symptoms can be anxiety and depression and I don't really know if I've suffered with either (that probably means I haven't) but I have had times when a horrible grey cloud descends and nothing seems to make sense and there seems to be no point in anything.
I'm very lucky that this only lasts for a very short time, I mean less than a day and I seem to come out of it.
I have had a time of extreme anxiety and it was awful, I don't think it was health related more stress related. It was shortly after my Daughter had been born, my Mum had died 4 months earlier and my Father was falling apart ( little did we know but 2 months later he was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease) and I was being telephoned day and night by him in various states of distress.
I just felt my whole personality disappearing, I couldn't talk without crying, I couldn't sit still without shaking, I just felt like I was completely losing it and still trying to work, look after a house, baby and young Son. It did pass but I know how you must be feeling, however mine wasn't caused by a health reason so it was completely different to yours and if your thyroid medication is causing it you won't be able to control it until that is corrected.
The only thing I would say is you have been under an enormous amount of pressure through this PTH journey and not only do the PTH symptoms make you feel awful plus the possible thyroid complications but the stress of going through everything you have could well be pushing you over the edge, I'm so sorry you feel so crap don't ever worry about venting how you feel, I think many of us can sympathise with how loosing who we are is so awful but I do think you will get that back and I'm sure your Son doesn't worry about what you say as much as you do.
I don't know if I've helped at all but just want you to know I care and send you love n hugs.
Amanda xxxx
avatar
Amanda Lynne

Posts : 1080
Join date : 2014-03-30
Age : 54
Location : South East England

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Lucycatnaps on Sat Nov 08, 2014 4:34 pm

Hi Jasmine,
I am so sorry you are having a rough time, you have been through so much already with this awful disease and now the dreaded panic/anxiety on top and I know it is miserable.  It is the worst symptom for me and I find it hard to cope with as well, but it DOES pass and I have a few days when I feel a bit better.  I well remember the teen years with my son and the friction it caused usually over a trivial thing or when I felt that I was being taken for granted, so please don't be so hard on yourself, it happens in "normal" families without added illness.  I find anything health wise difficult to cope with, you get told to not ignore symptoms and go see your GP at the first sign and yet in practise nothing much happens, you wait months for appointments and then wait more which all adds to the stress and worry.  My glass became half empty in 2003 when I became hypothyroid and the start of perimeno, that is when I started to feel not right.  If it is any consolation I too do really daft things, I feel like I live in a foggy haze sometimes and yet I did have a brain once, I just cannot remember where I left it.  I find I just have to ride with it and hang on to the thought that it will pass, I try and make sure I drink plenty of water and I make myself go for a walk (I know this is not so easy for you and before my hip I would use the bike).  I was offered anti d's but so far have managed to steer clear although I have been tempted, the main reason was that he said they would make me feel worse before I felt better and I now know it is the calcium doing it.  I talk to the cats!  The only person who listens to the same old same old record is my mum, bless her and yet I can be a real crabby ethel with her too and I then feel guilty.  If it helps to let it out then vent, I am forever thankful that you all know what it is like.  I can be happy go lucky, cheerful and delightful as one registrar wrote but that "me" does not come out to play so much anymore.  We just need to make it through another Winter and I know we will drag you along with us, no laggers left behind Miss J!  I have a lot of faith that Mr P will get you sorted.
Take care and have some you time and a big hug,
Sue x
avatar
Lucycatnaps

Posts : 376
Join date : 2014-03-30
Location : Lincolnshire

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Tigerlily on Sat Nov 08, 2014 5:34 pm

Jasmine, you are not alone in this and you have been under an enormous amount of strain recently.
I'm surprised you haven't self-combusted by now anyway.

The US mnemonic for PTH disease (the UK one being 'stones, bones, moans, groans and psychic overtones') is more to the point:     Itchy, Twitchy, Witchy and Bitchy.  I should really wear a sign round my neck with this on! Perhaps you could tell your son this one, so he can understand that, like a lot of us on here, you are "not yourself" with this disease at times, as Roy has noticed.

I've felt anxious with the pHPT, too. Not exactly unsafe in my own home, but generally unsafe in life and anxious is how I would describe it. My shrew-side is ever-present, I'm afraid. I've tried to keep my husband alongside me all the way in my "PTH journey" but, although he has had "the course" and knows all the medical details I really am surprised that he is still here. I can hear him trying to load the dishwasher quietly, as I'm typing, and that isn't easy for him to do.

If you felt strong, you could even show what you wrote in your first post here to your son, to help him understand, although I find it difficult "exposing myself" in that way, and you might too.

Hang on in there, girl. Better times are in sight, as Dr Aud would say! And you're amongst friends here.
Venting is us, when we need it to be. Everyone understands and sends love and hugs, as do I.

Love from Tigerlily xxxx

Tigerlily

Posts : 1229
Join date : 2014-04-04
Age : 65
Location : Sudbury, Suffolk

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Kathi209 on Sat Nov 08, 2014 6:16 pm

Hi Jasmine

I am sorry you are going through stressful times. But I am also feeling the anxiety also. It is something I am not to familiar with, I was always so level headed. Now making a decision is almost impossible even to plan a small trip. I do think its stressful if we are moving forward or at the limbo café. I am worried that endo won't send me for venous sampling and also worried that he will and of all the things I am worried about is can I keep my underwear on. Okay I'll stop here before someone get's the padded cell ready. Big cyber hug to you. Kathi

Kathi209

Posts : 329
Join date : 2014-03-31

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Tigerlily on Sat Nov 08, 2014 7:11 pm

And hugs to you, too, Kathi. I know exactly what you mean about having been so level-headed prior to being hit with HPT. Impossible to plan small trips - I agree, and I also can't stand the prospect of anyone coming over for a meal or (nightmare of nightmares) coming to stay for the night.

I'm sure someone who has had VS will advise about the underwear - although I'm sure it won't be a reason to be knicker-or-bra-less. I'd be wearing the up-to-the-neck Victorian nightie myself!

Love from Tigerlily xxxx

Tigerlily

Posts : 1229
Join date : 2014-04-04
Age : 65
Location : Sudbury, Suffolk

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by pilipala on Sat Nov 08, 2014 8:35 pm

Big bear hugs from me Jasmine and Kathi. 

I really feel for you and others who suffer badly with anxiety. I think it is one of, if not the most crippling symptom. I feel my life has contracted massively in order to keep my stress levels to a minimum. Less to cope with and less to worry about. In terms of more general mental marbles, mine rolled off a while back and I haven't seen them since. I've been halfway round the supermarket and realised I didn't have my wallet on me, got up from bed 5 times in a row to check I'd locked the front door because each time I got back I couldn't remember the outcome, i went to put the washing in only to find the previous week I'd put all the clean laundry in the dirty laundry basket (no memory of doing that) I've introduced my colleague as someone else entirely to a client who I'd already introduced to her to correctly previously (got some strange looks with that one), I made a carriage-load of train passengers fall about laughing when I leapt out of my seat in panic crying 'Oh my goodness is this Cardiff Central?'. It wasn't. It was Gloucester.

Oh, and all my friends are now used to having to talk to me as I sob uncontrollably into a pile of soggy tissues.

I have a few ways I try and cope with stress, some healthy, some not so healthy. Ranting on here is a great stress-buster, though the thing that probably gives me the biggest comfort is knowing that there is a crazy hormonal thing going on that is causing all this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, which means I may not always be this cranky sarcastic know-it-all but one day I might be a little more patient sarcastic know-it-all instead.

If it is your medication, Jasmine, then it again proves how invaluable this forum is. If not, I really hope you get some relief from it all. 

'Itchy, Twitchy, Witchy and Bitchy' I may get a t-shirt printed.

Lots of love,
Dee
xxx

pilipala

Posts : 153
Join date : 2014-05-15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by mel123 on Sat Nov 08, 2014 10:51 pm

Jasmine, I suffer with anxiety and often feel I`m out of control and my life is out of control. I feel I just can`t keep up with the world like I always did. I feel other people have theirs lives, jobs, family and houses all in order, just like I use to.  I have always leaned towards being a control freak and very organised and feel that I am now letting my family and colleagues down, I am just not the same person and don't know how to get her back. The physical symptoms of anxiety can be very frightening and I try to hide these from my family as I feel I`m letting them down and don`t want to frighten them. I have good days and bad days.  I hope your good days come soon and last a long time. Take care

mel123

Posts : 110
Join date : 2014-04-02

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Little Audrey on Mon Nov 10, 2014 3:22 am

My goodness, Jasmine, as Tigerlily stated up there, it is a wonder you have not self combusted after all you've been through!!!    Being a bit bitchy, snapping at people, and feeling you are losing your mind are all VERY normal considering what all has been happening to and with you!    You are not some strange breed who needs to be locked away.  You are perfectly normal, and it there is any place you can feel free to open up and express your innermost feelings, it is right here with your very caring, loving friends.    

As far as losing our minds, I have a good incident to report here.    I have 2 plastic pill minders.  You know, those things with little compartments for pills, marked for each day of the week.   I have a small one which I use for my morning pills and a much larger one which I use for my evening pills.   I have used them for many years.    A few days ago I took them down out of the cabinet to get my morning pills for the day.    I noticed there were 4 day's worth of pills in the morning minder, but NONE in the evening minder!!    It appeared I had been taking my evening pills in the morning also for 2 days!   Which means I had taken no thyroid medication and too much of the diuretic for 2 days!  The other pills would have been the same.  But the thyroid and the diuretic are 2 biggies to be screwing up!!     I still can't believe I did that!       I also recently left a burner on the stove under an empty pot and burned the pot badly!     And there's the incident where I put microwave popcorn in the microwave, turned it on for 5 minutes like I always do, but instead of standing there waiting for it to finish popping in about 2-1/2 minutes or so, I walked away and went about my business.    Several minutes later, I walked past the living room and glanced into the kitchen.    The kitchen was so full of black smoke, I couldn't even see to the far wall!    I ran in to find the entire inside of the microwave blackened badly!  The fumes from the popcorn were simply horrible!!!    My husband had walked past the basement door and notice the smoke.  He came running up the steps to see what had happened.    I was SO embarrassed and SO scared!    It would seem my brain simply does not work anymore.     Oh and another day recently I laid a pot holder on a hot burner on the stove and burned it very badly!    It was my favorite potholder.  It was totally ruined.    This is all very frightening, but I guess I'm not alone.

Regarding snapping at people we love and wondering why we can't stop, some days I think if I hear one more meow from my cats, I'm going to have to ship them off somewhere, because I simply don't feel I can cope with them anymore!   And I love my cats like I love my children.  It scares me to be having these thoughts, but some days I just can't deal with being bothered by ANYTHING!   I just want to be alone.   I think this has a lot to do with my chronic pain.  And not only am I hurting constantly, I am very angry that I cannot seem to get well!    It is hard to be jolly and sweet to people and pets when you simply feel like hell!   And it's not bad enough that we don't feel well, but we don't feel well for years nonstop!    I think it is understandable why we get grumpy and can't cope with things!

Kathi, that is cute about the underwear thing.   Just remember, if you can't keep them on, those people have seen it all many times before.   Smile     Again, this probably seems bigger to you than need be simply due to the fact that everything bothers us more when we aren't feeling well.    It will all be ok.

And I too am wondering if I am taking the wrong dose of thyroid meds.  This is so darned hard to regulate!    I'm wondering if I'm taking too little because of the edema and cramping muscles, but then I wonder if the cramping and stiffness is being caused from too much.   If I'm not mistaken, I think I read that too much can affect the kidneys, and I'm wondering now if maybe that's why my kidneys are not producing the renin that my body needs.     I am very anxious to see my next thyroid tests.   I will be going for those sometime within the next 2 weeks.    

We are all here to pick each other up when we are down.    It is so nice to have a place where we can come when we need a shoulder to cry on.    I have found a lot of good, strong shoulders here, and mine is always available.  It might be a bit cramped, but it still works.  Smile

Audrey

Little Audrey

Posts : 1131
Join date : 2014-03-30
Age : 64

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by NancyMi on Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:40 am

Jasmine,
     I don't know how you have done it so far.  You have been through so much.  Just glad that you are going to be helped by FP.
     The anxiety has been one of the worst things for me along with not being able to sleep.  It use to be that I would feel quite tired, lay down and fall into a good sleep.  Not anymore.  I will be physically tired but am not able to fall asleep.
     As for the anxiety, which drove me to the hospital 4 years ago before I knew what was wrong with me, I do take a tylenol every day which has some calming affect and sometimes a vary low dose of xanax.  I really dislike using pills but I have used just a small amount.  I have to work with the public and draw blood sometimes.  It hasn't been that easy of a task while feeling anxious and trying to concentrate on the things I need to do. 
      Help is just around the corner for you Jasmine. 

xxx, Nancy

NancyMi

Posts : 169
Join date : 2014-04-05

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Jasmine2 on Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:32 am

Just want to say a HUGE thank you to you all for your kindness and support through what was a nightmarish couple of weeks for me during which I really struggled to cope. I feel a lot calmer and more in control now, although every now and again when that horrible, gut-clenching anxiety rears its ugly head I can feel the hysteria, thinking oh no not again please ..... but I've taught myself some coping mechanisms in the form of meditation techniques and this seems to be helping. 

Thanks again all my wonderful forum friends, don't know what I'd do without you at times!

Jasmine x
avatar
Jasmine2

Posts : 751
Join date : 2014-03-30
Location : Cambridgeshire UK

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Little Audrey on Sun Nov 16, 2014 3:56 pm

Jasmine, I was just thinking this morning how nice it is to see you posting so freely again on here. I knew you were struggling terribly trying to deal with symptoms and cope with all of the disappointment and feelings of hopelessness. Now, you seem to have your head above water again, even though you're still treading. One day soon you'll be able to swim right out of these troubled waters, be well again, and enjoy life once again! So VERY happy for you, my friend!

I agree that the people on here are absolutely wonderful! I too have no idea how I would have gotten through all I have without you all! I guess we're just a lucky bunch, aren't we? Smile

Audrey

Little Audrey

Posts : 1131
Join date : 2014-03-30
Age : 64

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Tigerlily on Sun Nov 16, 2014 7:36 pm

Bless you, Jasmine and Audrey, you are both such an inspiration to us all.

Don't hold back! Tell us everything. We need to know. You are founder members of this forum and whatever you post surely helps someone somewhere to cope better.

I always look forward to your posts.

Love from Tigerlily xxxx

Tigerlily

Posts : 1229
Join date : 2014-04-04
Age : 65
Location : Sudbury, Suffolk

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Venting .....

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum