Feeling exhausted and very worried!

Hi everyone,
Today I am feeling completely drained mentally and physically, I have a bone scan at St Mary’s Hospital Friday and at the moment, I feel like cancelling it and staying at home.

My Dad died  April just gone and  my brother and I have tried to be there for my mum, we have kept in constant contact, I ring her twice a day, my brother stays over once a week, does her weekly shop and visits her at the weekend.

I feel very frustrated that I can’t do more as i am living so far away as mum lives in the Midlands.

We have both noticed a deterioration in her physically and mental health and have tried to get her to see her family Doctor, she adamantly refused, so we forced the issue and my brother was due to take her to the Doctor today to get her some help, she has been under the  crisis team for a week and they have done nothing to help her, despite our call and pleas that she needed help, it took actually threats of going to the papers or legal action before they actually came  out to asses her a little to late as over the weekend  my poor mum had a breakdown, due to grief over the death of a man she was married to for 60 years and is now in Hospital. I will be visiting her next weekend.

Today is a bad day and added stress certainly makes you feel worse, to day my body aches so much I feel like  I have been trampled by a elephant and my mind is mush!!!
 
Thanks for listening.
Take care
Diana

Hi Diana
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum she sounds like she has been through a really hard time since you lost your Dad and so have you and the rest of your family. Hopefully now the hospital will take her care seriously and you will now get the help you need.
It isn't surprising you are feeling awful but if you can you should attend the bone scan, who knows when the next appointment will be and at least it will be one thing over and done with.
I know how hard it is losing a parent and dealing with the parent that is left and their grief as well as your own.
I lost my Mum 21 yrs ago quite suddenly and my Dad was lost without her, he went down hill very rapidly and the Dr's kept treating him for depression, we said we didn't think that was his problem and shortly after he was diagnosed with Parkinson's and then dementia. He lasted 8 yrs bless him but not a good way to live those last years.
It's no good me telling you not to worry or get stressed as that is the natural response when someone you love is going through a hard time. I hope life gets a little easier for you soon and best wishes for your Mum to get better very soon.
Love Amanda xxxx

Sorry to hear of your troubles Diana, it is never easy looking after elderly parents, I have been there and got the t-shirt. I know whenever my Mum went into hospital (many times) it was a relief as it took the pressure off me and I have to say the day she went into a care home was a huge relief for all of us and she was far better off.

If your Mum is still able to live independently would she consider moving nearer to you ? when my Dad died we got Mum to move down to Somerset so at least I was near by to help her out and it was also good for her to have a complete change of surroundings.

Try not to worry to much, your Mum is now in hospital and hopefully they will get her over this hiccup.

Take care

Nelly x

Oh Diana, I'm so sorry to hear all this, reading your post brought me to tears and I'm feeling so sad for you, your family and especially your poor, dear mum. Stress like this will make you feel so much worse and all you can do is listen to your body, rest and take really good care of yourself, as much as you can. You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sending you much love and great big cyberhugs. I know how helpless you must be feeling in not being able to help your mum through this as much as you would like but she knows you love her and that her grief is also your grief because you lost someone you love too. I'm sorry I don't have the words to make you feel better but know that we on here are thinking of you, and I hope sincerely that your mum will start to heal from her grief in time, and find herself in a much better place emotionally before too long, and the same for you Diana, I hope that this time will pass soon and you will feel a little stronger.

Love and hugs

Jasmine x

Hi Diana,
I am so sorry to hear about your dear Mum and also that you are feeling so rough and tired and rotten.  I know the stress of things with your Mum is not helping either as it just piles on top of how you are feeling at the moment.  Is there anyone that can go with you on Friday for your scan?   It should not take too long to do and that is another thing off the list.  I hope that by the  weekend that your Mum will feel much improved, being in hospital is no fun but they will run all their tests and hopefully will have some answers and be able to organise the care your Mum needs.  I feel a bit like you with my Mum, I think it is that generation and they are fiercely independent and it is hard when you live a long distance away.  Just want to give you a real big hug and hope you feel a little better, it really is hard to bear but you have us all 
and you will get through this. 
Love and hugs Sue x

Oh Diana, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. If possible I think you ought to attend your scan as you have to think about yourself as well. I hope your mum improves now she's in hospital. xx

I am so so sorry to hear about your poor Mum and I'm not surprised you're feeling so down and depressed. I know how you feel because my Mum was ill in hospital around Easter this year and I was so far away and felt quite helpless. Also, the 500 mile round trip I was doing every weekend totally wiped me out so  really do sympathise with you. I hope your Mum can get some care and treatment in hospital and hopefully continuing care afterwards. It is so difficult to get Mums to admit they need help in the first place. My brother had to go against everything she said to get a doctor several times and then Mum ended up going to hospital in an ambulance and she was furious with us for ages.

I think it would be best for you if you did get the bone scan over and done with otherwise you could be waiting a long time for another one. Perhaps it would help if someone could go with you for moral support and to prop you up.

It must be so hard to lose your partner of 60 years and I'm not surprised your poor Mum broke down. She must have been distraught and grief has no time zone of when you're supposed to recover. I don't think I or any member of my family have ever got over my Dad's death and I know it was hardest on my Mum. I hope your Mum gets the support she really needs. I also hope you do as well because everything is so much worse when you're down already with HPT.

I wish I could help you further, but I'm sending you lots of very big hugs and support and hope that things will look up very soon.

Love and more hugs
Brigitte xxxx

I am very sorry I didn't get a chance to post this sooner, Diana. Yesterday was a holiday here in the US, and we had our family over to celebrate.

I am also VERY sorry to hear about your situation with your mother. This is so sad. I never had to witness or care for an aging parent. I lost my father in a car accident when he was 44. My mother was perfectly healthy except for high blood pressure. She had carotid artery surgery. Seven days later she died of a massive stroke. She was 77. I do have a step dad. If the time comes, I will be the one to care for him, as my sister and brother both live in different states.

I can only imagine how difficult it would be to witness your parents suffering. As tragic as my parents' deaths were, I sometimes think maybe that is the less difficult option. It would have killed me to watch them suffer. I do sometimes regret, though, that I didn't get that chance to care for them. Although, as sick as I've been over the past 4 years, had they needed me during this time, it would have been terribly difficult, just as it is for you now.

I am happy your mother is now in the hospital, where she can get the constant care she needs. I feel this will be better for you all at this time.

I will be praying for you all and sending lots of cyber hugs your way.

Audrey

Hi Diana

So sorry to hear of all you're going through at the moment, but I hope things have stabilised a bit over the last couple of days.

I just wanted to encourage you to go for the bone scan on Friday if you can manage it, before driving to see your Mum. It doesn't take very long and would be a useful marker for how things are going with your bones.

Drive safely on your trip and keep us posted as to how your Mum (and you!) are doing.

Love and Hugs from Tigerlily xxxx

So sorry Diana, it is very hard when our parents are sick to. I was lucky to have my mom close by, and at that time I wasn't suffering with phpt.  Try if you can to your dexa scan so you will know how your bones are. Best wishes
Kathi........

Hi Diana,
I really feel for you and know exactly what you are going through and know how tough it is.
 
I was the same as you and felt all the strain of worrying made my own health worse.
I also know that when my dad's phyical health got worse so did his mental health and both together is a nightmare.
I was lucky in the fact that I lived close by.
Both my parents were plagued with illness and dementia before they died and its so hard.

You must still be grieving for the loss of your dad and with worrying about your mum must be putting a big strain on you and your brother.

I am sending you a big hug and asking your to try and look after yourself and go to your appointment on Friday.

Mary x

Hi Diana

Just checking in with you to see if you went for your bone scan and how your Mum is doing.

Do let us know.

Love from Tigerlily xxxx